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♪ Los Simpsons ♪
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["El Jarabe Tapatio" parody playing]
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[announcer] KO!
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Whoo-hoo! [laughing]
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[announcer] Perfecto!
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[song ends]
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Thanks to Lisa Simpson's tireless
and tiresome advocacy,
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Springfield will now be providing
free LED light bulbs to every household.
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I can use the money I save
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to pay for these louder bullets!
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I applaud Springfield
for finally embracing a progressive idea.
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Whoa, Nelly!
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It's a progressive idea?
Well, now I hate it.
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You can have my incandescents when
you unscrew them from my cold, dead lamps.
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But this is for a good cause.
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The planet or film preservation
or whatnot.
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[clamoring]
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{\an8}People! Don't let our divisiveness
turn this into another Big Gulp riot.
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- [clamoring]
- [glass breaking]
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[sighs] There's so much anger
and hostility around us.
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Where does all this negativity come from?
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More importantly, where does the rage go?
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[people arguing]
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[rumbling]
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{\an8}And in the culture wars, a new battle
is being fought in the town of Springfield
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{\an8}where they're coming after
your light bulbs.
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{\an8}What's next, your truck's testicles?
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{\an8}Mrs. Butterworth's ample bosom?
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- Yeah! Yeah.
- Come on.
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You know what I think?
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{\an8}I think the far-light crazies
need to check their watt privilege.
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- That's right.
- Okay!
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Very much so.
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[explosion, rumbling]
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[roars]
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[all cheering]
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[all cheering]
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Go, monster! Crush that sculpture garden.
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Wait. Bart, you're a right-winger?
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Nah, I'm mostly just anti-you
and anti-girl in general.
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And pro wrecking stuff that helps people.
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So that's a yes.
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[Lisa] People, don't you see?
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This monster is a physical manifestation
of your fear and hate.
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Look what your Red rage has created.
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[roars]
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Darn it.
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- Yeah!
- Go, monster!
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The destruction's one thing,
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but do these coastal elite monsters
have to be so smug?
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He's gonna destroy that factory
and end gun violence!
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[screeching]
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[phones beeping]
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"Friend, Blue Monster here!
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Are you as concerned as I am
about the Senate race in Nevada?
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Donate to Act Blue Monster!"
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[groans]
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[crowd member] Oh, be nice.
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{\an8}[roars]
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{\an8}[screeches]
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{\an8}[wind howling]
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{\an8}[screeches]
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The red monster has now
taken out the University District,
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but the blue monster has pulverized
Fast Food Boulevard,
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a previously red area.
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Stick with us for up-to-the-minute
Destruction Night predictions.
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Um, ladies and gentlemen,
I have had a brilliant idea.
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[dings]
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Well, that's just not the same now, is it?
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Now, I have invented a humungous robot
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that will combat
these political monstrosities,
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but which can only be powered
by togetherness.
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Specifically by the love of two siblings
working in perfect harmony.
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I'm a mechanical engineer,
and my brother is a Navy SEAL.
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We'd be honored to--
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[groans] Well, I guess those two little
twerps over there will have to do.
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[Bart] For the record, I still think
everything you stand for is lame.
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But... [chuckles] ...robots!
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[mechanical whirring]
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[Bart] I'm left leg, you're right arm.
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[Lisa] Do you even know the difference
between right and left?
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Great. You just smooshed Otto.
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[Lisa] Ew. Gross.
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If we can't get along,
then what chance does society have?
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Divisiveness has made the world go mad.
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I'm surprised there are only two monsters.
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[mechanical humming]
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[screeches]
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Look! It's Dad!
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Oh, giant doughnut,
I'm sorry I ate all your babies!
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[both laughing]
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Come on, Lis.
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If we can both laugh at a fat guy
stuck in a doughnut,
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we can work together and kick some ass.
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[mechanical whirring]
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It's time to go take
these cable-news fear monsters down,
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playground style.
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[roars]
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Noogie power!
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What do you get
when you mix red and blue nurples?
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Purple!
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[tires screech]
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[both grunting]
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[all cheering]
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Dingdongs of Springfield,
we've stopped these monsters for now.
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But if we allow them
to keep feeding on our fear and rage,
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they'll come back even stronger.
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The only way to beat them is to remember
what we all have in common
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and reject the echo chambers
of cable news and social media.
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- [all] Yeah.
- I can do that.
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{\an8}[roaring]
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[grunts]
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[Lisa] Well, I guess
civilization had a good run.
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Did it?
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Concert halls were nice.
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Trampoline gyms.
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[Lisa] Internet was a mistake, though.
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[Bart] Hmm. Probably.
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["Toccata and Fugue in D minor, BWV 565"
playing]
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[whistle blowing]
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Work in Mr. Burns's corn syrup plant
is done for the day.
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[all cheering]
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Work building Mr. Burns's mansion
begins for the night.
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[all groaning]
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Is this house ever gonna be finished?
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My father and grandfather died
working on this place.
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Come on, guys. It's not so bad.
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After all, tonight is
the company Thanksgiving dinner.
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
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Welcome to my elaborate
and needlessly whimsical "mansion-ola."
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Dinner is served.
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Odds and bodkins!
I've never seen such a sumptuous repast!
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Bup bup bup. Before we dine,
a little Thanksgiving tradition.
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A wishbone pull.
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If you win, this feast is yours.
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If I win, no weekends or holidays off
ever again starting today.
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- Deal!
- Send out your best pull-man.
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[Scottish accent] Leave it to me, lads.
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You're looking at the four-time
Aberdeen bone-yanking champion.
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You've prepared the wishing furcula
so I can't lose?
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Scored and ready, sir.
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On the count of three.
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One, two, three!
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[bone cracks]
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[all cheering]
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You want your feast? Have at it.
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My peas!
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[groans] That was worth it.
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Dinner's over. Get back to work.
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[Agnes] You old fool.
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A promise made
upon a Thanksgiving wishbone
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must never be broken.
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Bah! That's just an old wives' tale.
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This has nothing to do with our divorce.
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Now you are cursed
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to be tormented by the souls
of all you have wronged
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till the end of your days.
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Now I remember why I married you.
[chuckles]
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[both moaning]
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Still cursed.
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[speaks shakily] Oh. Corn syrup.
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[screams]
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Mmm.
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[screams]
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[all screaming]
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[screaming continues]
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[sighs] The music of the night animals.
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They call to me in some lost language
beyond mortal understanding.
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[employee] You suck, Burns!
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[sighs] All alone on the holidays.
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Perhaps a sip
of bi-hydrogenated oxygen before bed.
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[glass shatters]
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Who's there? Show yourself!
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[glass shatters]
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Must have been the wind.
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Yes, an indoor wind.
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Completely natural. Super natural, even.
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A pair of normal occurrences.
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[scratching]
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What is that blasted groaning?
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[scratching]
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[gurgling]
183
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- [in eerie voice] Hungry.
- [screams]
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Pull yourself together, man.
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- Jump scare!
- [screams]
186
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Tub scare!
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[sighs, panting]
188
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Moe scare!
[in eerie voice] Where's my peas?
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[screams]
190
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[squelches]
191
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Ex-wife!
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[panting]
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[gurgling] Hungry. So hung--
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- [Homer screams]
- [Mr. Burns screams]
195
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You guys really scared me.
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All right, don't worry. Okay?
That's all over now.
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[sighs]
198
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- Jump scare!
- [screams]
199
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,163
[stomachs grumbling]
200
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:09,584
[all ghosts] Hungry. So hungry.
201
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,669
Of course.
202
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,881
I can end this curse
by simply giving these fellows dinner.
203
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Here, my peckish vapors.
204
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:31,649
Sate thy satanic hunger,
and slake thy unholy thirst.
205
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,988
[all ghosts] Hungry.
206
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,573
Hungry.
207
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:45,496
The only dish that will fill our bellies
is your soul.
208
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,419
[grunts, panting]
209
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,463
You starved your workers
and made millions selling the corn syrup
210
00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:59,176
that will embiggen an unsuspecting nation
for generations to come.
211
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:08,686
You can't eat my soul if it's already
been set ablaze in corn oil.
212
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:14,316
Farewell, you hectoring specters.
You can't torment me if I'm dead.
213
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,611
Ooh. I forgot about hell.
214
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,948
Cash bar at my funeral.
215
00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,789
Good Lord, Wayland! Look at this.
216
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:35,462
What could have driven such a great man
to burn himself and the house he loved?
217
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,797
And on the day after Thanksgiving too.
218
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:41,801
Truly it will henceforth
be known as Black Friday.
219
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:45,430
A day that will serve as a warning
to never mistreat workers again,
220
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no matter how good the deal is.
221
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[bone cracks]
222
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:03,114
I don't know, Barney.
I've never really been a jeans guy.
223
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:07,118
Come on, Homer. A swinging bachelor
like you needs flashy pants.
224
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,538
Don't you wanna have a shot
with that cute waitress?
225
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,957
Who am I kidding?
226
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,876
There's not a pair of pants
in the universe
227
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:18,129
that'll make her give a loser like me
the time of day.
228
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,298
[electrical humming]
229
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:35,272
Oh. They don't make blubber-positive jeans
for guys with my curves.
230
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,277
Oh, wait, how'd I miss those?
231
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,366
[angelic choir vocalizing]
232
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:50,537
Amazing. You can see where my butt ends
and my legs begin
233
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,206
instead of being one big bleurgh.
234
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,627
Time to take this sexy ass for a spin.
235
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,632
- I don't know what to say to her.
- [monstrous voice] Why don't you tell her
236
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:06,386
how attractive you find
her vulnerable, uncovered legs?
237
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,762
[gasps] Who said that?
238
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:08,847
[monstrous voice] I did.
239
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,015
[gasps] My jeans?
240
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,642
[bell dings]
241
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,726
[cocks gun]
242
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:17,897
I'll take all the cash in the register.
And is that a chocolate chip scone?
243
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:18,982
Raisin.
244
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,692
Ugh. No, just the cash.
245
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,069
Oh, I should do something heroic,
246
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,655
but my raging cowardice
makes that difficult.
247
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,408
[shakily] Wait, what's happening?
248
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:32,662
[chokes] Passing out.
249
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,749
Denim softer than it looks.
250
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,334
You saved me.
251
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:43,089
I did? I did.
I guess heroism is in my genes.
252
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,426
- [police siren wailing]
- [jeans] The fuzz. We gotta leg it.
253
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:48,512
[tires screeching]
254
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,518
Hey, nice jeans.
255
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,769
Thanks! They're new!
256
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,105
[siren wailing]
257
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,280
What the hell is going on?
258
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,450
[jeans] Calm down, Homer.
259
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:16,039
[Denim] I am Denim.
A bio-adaptive symbiote.
260
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,123
A symbi-what?
261
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,625
[Denim] I'm magical pants, okay?
262
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:22,170
I've traveled from my home planet--
Wrang-lor, in the 501 galaxy--
263
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:25,173
because it is in the throes
of a climate catastrophe.
264
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,550
Toxins have leached
into our precipitation,
265
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:31,512
turning my kind into acid-washed jeans.
266
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,847
But isn't that cool?
267
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,182
[Denim] It's never been cool.
268
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:38,227
It's made us weak, unsightly,
and worst of all, dated.
269
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:42,023
To survive on your planet,
our species requires a human host.
270
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,150
And my host is you.
271
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:48,614
Your undercarriage is so wide,
and your methane exhaust so nourishing.
272
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,368
{\an8}One chili dog, extra beans.
273
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,412
{\an8}Yeah. You got it, talking crotch.
274
00:15:56,497 --> 00:16:00,333
{\an8}But what if I don't wanna be your host?
What's in it for my butt?
275
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:04,338
[Denim] I can give you
the thing you want most in the world.
276
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,677
[Denim] Let your jeans do the talking.
277
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,513
Um, uh, would you like to dance?
278
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,642
Well, you did save my life.
But no, thank you.
279
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,523
Oh, my God. I'm doing it. I can dance!
280
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,316
[Denim] Don't do that. Never do that.
281
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,609
Right. Sorry.
282
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,320
["Soldier of Dance" playing]
283
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:33,074
["Rockit" playing]
284
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:36,536
["After You've Gone" playing]
285
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,622
["Rockit" playing]
286
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:43,292
I've never seen
such amazing leg dancing before.
287
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,712
I didn't even bother
to look at your top half,
288
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,714
but I'm sure it was just as good.
289
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,841
[Denim] Seal the deal. Dip her.
290
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,469
[whispers] I only know how to dip chips.
291
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,766
[both moaning]
292
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,894
[Marge grunting]
293
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,482
Um, will you excuse me for a second?
294
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:11,404
You got me this far, why don't you
let her get to the good stuff?
295
00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:14,407
[Denim] I cannot be disengaged
from my host for long or I'll perish.
296
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:18,829
But don't worry, I will help you
complete your mating ritual.
297
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:25,209
That was the most amazing outercourse
of my life.
298
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:30,089
Well, I like to think I'm something
of an expert at friction-based rub-a-dub.
299
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,759
[chuckles] You are.
300
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:37,764
Homer is so sweet,
but he won't take his pants off.
301
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,265
It's been two months.
302
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:42,394
Tell him to drop jeans
and fulfill your dreams.
303
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,939
I'm so happy I moved in,
but it does kind of bother me that
304
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:51,903
you and I have been stuck between second
and third base... [whispers] ...sexually.
305
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,571
Honey, let's sit and talk.
306
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,365
You deserve to know the truth
about what's really been going on.
307
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,451
You see...
308
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,119
[groans]
309
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,790
[Denim] Do you not see
what Marge is doing?
310
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,625
She's trying to break up a great team.
311
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:09,796
Look, Denim. We've had some laughs,
danced, leg-strangled a guy.
312
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:12,507
And I could have never gotten Marge
without you.
313
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,134
There's no easy way to say this,
314
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:18,387
but maybe it's time for me
to fart in other pants.
315
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,099
[Denim] No, no, no.
Homer, don't break up with me.
316
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,810
No one will ever flatter your ass
like I do.
317
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:27,815
I'm gonna shut up this voice in my head
and in my pants the only way I know how.
318
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,443
[Denim gurgling]
319
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,322
[snoring]
320
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,994
[whispers] He's passed out.
This might be my only chance.
321
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:47,042
I got you a little surprise.
322
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,253
[screams] Khakis? Where are my jeans?
323
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,755
Where they belong,
in the washing machine.
324
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:57,260
And I really love how you look
in these sexy, beige dad pants.
325
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,053
You don't know what you've done.
326
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,180
[Denim screams]
327
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:04,935
Never wash quality denim!
328
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,644
[gasps, screams]
329
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,814
These Dockers meant nothing.
They came on to me.
330
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,274
What the hell's happening?
331
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:15,779
Homer is my host, not yours.
And you're about to die.
332
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,032
[choking]
333
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:22,535
- [Denim grunting]
- [Homer] Ow! Ow!
334
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,620
[Denim] Stop that.
335
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:25,872
[screams]
336
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:29,376
Acid! So painfully '80s.
337
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,463
Run, Marge, run! Run from my pants!
338
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,050
[Denim, Homer scream]
339
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,892
[Denim] Stitching stretched.
Rivets popping.
340
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:50,480
Blech! So hairy.
Like being on a sweaty cactus.
341
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,360
These aren't my moves, man. Not my moves.
342
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,869
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
343
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,044
- [Denim roars]
- [Homer] Stop.
344
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,798
I'm never gonna let anything
come between us again.
345
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,801
These past weeks
have been the best of my life.
346
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,637
I can't live without you.
347
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,641
Oh, Homie. I love you too.
348
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,477
Uh, yeah, I wasn't talking to you.
349
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,564
[Denim] Yes! Thank you, Jeansus.
350
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,902
Oh. Deep down, I knew it all along.
[sniffles]
351
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,071
Really?
352
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,156
[Denim] Have you stopped
following her on Facebook?
353
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,242
Yes.
354
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,495
- No.
- [Denim] Thank you for being honest.
355
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,121
It was nice of you to let her live.
356
00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:52,541
Well, my species will need
as many hosts as possible.
357
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:53,668
Wait, what?
358
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,754
[rumbling]